First of all, I would like to thank my friend Wendy for taking these wonderful photos! It's always visiting new places and shooting photos with her. This day was so cold, keeping me all bundled up in winter clothing and wishing spring would come more quickly. Right now, it's actually the perfect temperature - warm during daytime, cool at night. I wish it would stay just like this for some time.
Recently, I have been doing my best to get caught up with photo editing and posting! Last month, I mentioned I was a month behind in posting. Well, although April wasn't as crazy as March, I still ended up being quite busy with shoots and got behind again. Now I am slowly catching up, and if I keep going at this pace, I might finally get to post May photos before the end of May!
This is a good thing though. Never have I produced such a steady stream of images month after month. Whether they are good, is another question - but just to continuously have my hands on the camera at least a couple of times a week, exercising my photography mindset - I think it is helping me a lot. Ever since last fall, when I finally made the move to a full frame camera, I have been seeking more and more opportunities to develop myself (no pun intended :) photography-wise. Sometimes I get frustrated at the slow pace at which things are going. Sometimes I look back at the last months of photos and wonder how I shot this many, on top of working full time. I've been to meetings with model agencies, publishers and magazines, designers... and things are still only starting, there's so much more I have to do and try. I still dream of the day my work will be published in a magazine.. I wonder if it is possible. How to get oneself out there? How to stand out, yet still be yourself?
I feel like I am asking myself the same questions as when I was trying to break into the music industry, before and after I first arrived in Japan. There are tons and tons of musician hopefuls out there in Tokyo, trying to make it, just as there are tons of photographers. Like other creative professions, both will take a large amount of luck, good timing, connections, as well as skill and perseverance. Being able to do something you love for a living... wouldn't that be the most beautiful dream to live? Of course it's not always easy, and sometimes you fall out of love in the process, caught up with all the complicated details and not-fun bits, the pressure and expectations that threaten to bend you until you break. It's a fine line to walk between the happy meadow of pure passion and interest, and the crazy zigzagging metropolis of work and survival.
I think, if you know what you want to do and have the passion and energy to devote to it, then it must be possible to make that dream into reality. The question is, how? Well, even if you ask me, I'm still on the road to discover that myself. I don't think it's ever too late, as long as you still love what you do. You have to keep trying somehow, keep pushing forward even when you have no idea what you're doing sometimes, even when there's no guiding light and the goal is obscured in the thickest fog.
I guess, discovering what happens after that is part of the fun, isn't it? :)
When I start to get impatient or worried, I try to ask myself.
What is most important in my life?
Am I enjoying what I'm doing? Am I having fun?
Why am I trying to get to there, for what purpose?
Adding to those, of course you've still gotta be able to eat and pay the rent and all. Even though it doesn't leave me with as much time as I would like to devote to photography at the moment, I am grateful for my full time job. It is allowing me to pursue photography and create without stressing out about how to pay the bills and so on. I think, it must all fit together in the end. This time, I'm not going to rush haphazardly without understanding the full picture. I'll take risks, but respect my feeling for what's right, and follow only that. I'll keep enjoying the process of creating. And hopefully, I can meet those who appreciate and value what I have to offer, along the way.
Thank you so much for reading this entry!
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